woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
At least life still wants to fuck me.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
