her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
