you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
