I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
