The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
