I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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