Christians are straight up FREAKS
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
this just has baby written all over it
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
