you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
