I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
