$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
