Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
