Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
