I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
