I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
