i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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