Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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