So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
