i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
