what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
