heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Brb crying the tears of my youth
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
