12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
There are leaves in my underwear?
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