it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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