apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
