I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
