I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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