I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
