I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
