My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Don't make out with my wife yet
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I need a burrito and a hug.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
