all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
pop tarts are not kleenex
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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