She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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