eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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