Three words: puerto rican gang bang
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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