that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
