the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
