I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
