my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
