i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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