I bet he comes in French.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
