You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
