I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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