i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
