I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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