The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm getting married
To pizza
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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