god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
