I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
