We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
