I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My penis needs a shock collar
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Randomize
