Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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