She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Randomize
