I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
